Pain

So I've been pondering on the anomaly of pain for some time now. For those who don't know, it's no secret that I have a chronic pain disorder. I really don't think it'll keep me slowed down for long, but while I'm still adjusting my paradigms to mesh more fully with the constant experience I have plenty of resources for my own personal inquiry into what pain is. Gall, there are so many different types of physical pain alone, and duration and intensity matter so much. I've never had to try to describe pain so specifically before the onslaught of doctor appointments, but it's definitely a challenge. Really, what a barrier language has become. How do you describe it accurately, ya know? I don't know how to more fully convey all over pain besides the word exhaustion. Anyway, knowing all of the different words that can be used to describe pain made me begin to wonder why it's just such a terrible experience when it happens. I think sometimes when the pain hits us strong enough, we lose our perception of time.
My personal theory is that pain is so awful because it draws the entirety of our attention to reality. Seriously, we go about our lives with some degree of desensitization, ignoring dangers and struggling to be completely in the moment. When you're in pain, it's all there is. You can't be planning so much on what you're going to do in two weeks let alone two minutes when your focus is completely set on this overwhelming sensation of being alive. Pure reality is a sharp experience. Pain prevents you from building a protective layer of emotional distancing. Pain is the perfect teacher of the magnitude of stupidity involved in your decisions. The absence of pain is so desirable because it allows the feeling of security and gives us confidence in the many risks we take to live. So I wish I had less pain so that I could function within the enabling disillusionment from reality. But alas, I feel alive every second. And now I must accept fierceness of reality whilst continuing to embrace risk. It's a philosophical challenge that I'm up to, even if my motivation is sometimes purely based on curiosity as to whether it can be done. I'm sure it's been done before. I admire the unsung heroes of pain.

Late night musings

I really need to write more. So I'm going to use this blog right at this moment.

First off: Fun Dip destroys your mouth. I had some at my cousins tonight and my tongue is ruined. Though it may be tempting, I encourage you to stay away from it.

Secondly: At this cousin shindig, I found out that we have some fun plans for the summer. I already knew we were planning a trip, but I'm also excited for this upcoming party. See, we have this tradition. The way we bond is by... finding and watching the worst 80's horror films ever made. And, oh man, does the good stuff just ever stop coming? Tonight we watched one called Motel Hell. It wasn't about either a motel or hell. So whilst we were enjoying this cinematic treat, my cousin tells me that we're going to have an 80's Horror Flick Oscars this summer. We'll dress up and have voted for the nominations in each category. I'm excited to see the full list of movie candidates, though there are some I need to catch up on. Some categories will include: Best Plot Whiplash, Most Awkward Moment, Best Surprise Celebrity Appearance (George Clooney showed up in one!), Best Doppelganger, and Best Awful Fight Scene. I'm really holding out for "Return to Horror High" to win by a landslide in many of these categories. Seriously, I still don't know what that movie is really about. The moral of this rant is that we have awesome adult friendships between cousins, which I reckon is super common.

Lastly: I'm trying to move on with my life after the Pentatonix concert last Monday. They blew my mind. I had my mouth hanging open more than once that night. The next day I awoke from a dream that I was best friends with them and it took me over an hour to come to term with my severe disappointment. They are such a personable group and I could tell they were having fun with the insanely loud Salt Lake City group. I was only about twenty feet away from them, so I was within their view of the crazy fans. Individually they're incredible, but in combination the explosion of awesome that comes with their talents complimenting one another is beyond my comprehension. Superfruit is a hilarious Youtube channel, too. They're real humans with super talents.

P.S. Today was a gorgeous day. The Red Rock/Blue Skies combo is so much closer to home than I had realized!