Pain

So I've been pondering on the anomaly of pain for some time now. For those who don't know, it's no secret that I have a chronic pain disorder. I really don't think it'll keep me slowed down for long, but while I'm still adjusting my paradigms to mesh more fully with the constant experience I have plenty of resources for my own personal inquiry into what pain is. Gall, there are so many different types of physical pain alone, and duration and intensity matter so much. I've never had to try to describe pain so specifically before the onslaught of doctor appointments, but it's definitely a challenge. Really, what a barrier language has become. How do you describe it accurately, ya know? I don't know how to more fully convey all over pain besides the word exhaustion. Anyway, knowing all of the different words that can be used to describe pain made me begin to wonder why it's just such a terrible experience when it happens. I think sometimes when the pain hits us strong enough, we lose our perception of time.
My personal theory is that pain is so awful because it draws the entirety of our attention to reality. Seriously, we go about our lives with some degree of desensitization, ignoring dangers and struggling to be completely in the moment. When you're in pain, it's all there is. You can't be planning so much on what you're going to do in two weeks let alone two minutes when your focus is completely set on this overwhelming sensation of being alive. Pure reality is a sharp experience. Pain prevents you from building a protective layer of emotional distancing. Pain is the perfect teacher of the magnitude of stupidity involved in your decisions. The absence of pain is so desirable because it allows the feeling of security and gives us confidence in the many risks we take to live. So I wish I had less pain so that I could function within the enabling disillusionment from reality. But alas, I feel alive every second. And now I must accept fierceness of reality whilst continuing to embrace risk. It's a philosophical challenge that I'm up to, even if my motivation is sometimes purely based on curiosity as to whether it can be done. I'm sure it's been done before. I admire the unsung heroes of pain.

Late night musings

I really need to write more. So I'm going to use this blog right at this moment.

First off: Fun Dip destroys your mouth. I had some at my cousins tonight and my tongue is ruined. Though it may be tempting, I encourage you to stay away from it.

Secondly: At this cousin shindig, I found out that we have some fun plans for the summer. I already knew we were planning a trip, but I'm also excited for this upcoming party. See, we have this tradition. The way we bond is by... finding and watching the worst 80's horror films ever made. And, oh man, does the good stuff just ever stop coming? Tonight we watched one called Motel Hell. It wasn't about either a motel or hell. So whilst we were enjoying this cinematic treat, my cousin tells me that we're going to have an 80's Horror Flick Oscars this summer. We'll dress up and have voted for the nominations in each category. I'm excited to see the full list of movie candidates, though there are some I need to catch up on. Some categories will include: Best Plot Whiplash, Most Awkward Moment, Best Surprise Celebrity Appearance (George Clooney showed up in one!), Best Doppelganger, and Best Awful Fight Scene. I'm really holding out for "Return to Horror High" to win by a landslide in many of these categories. Seriously, I still don't know what that movie is really about. The moral of this rant is that we have awesome adult friendships between cousins, which I reckon is super common.

Lastly: I'm trying to move on with my life after the Pentatonix concert last Monday. They blew my mind. I had my mouth hanging open more than once that night. The next day I awoke from a dream that I was best friends with them and it took me over an hour to come to term with my severe disappointment. They are such a personable group and I could tell they were having fun with the insanely loud Salt Lake City group. I was only about twenty feet away from them, so I was within their view of the crazy fans. Individually they're incredible, but in combination the explosion of awesome that comes with their talents complimenting one another is beyond my comprehension. Superfruit is a hilarious Youtube channel, too. They're real humans with super talents.

P.S. Today was a gorgeous day. The Red Rock/Blue Skies combo is so much closer to home than I had realized!

A Flood of Ethics

So this semester I've become more involved in my Philosophy department at USU. I'm on an Ethics Bowl team, which is basically debate team but with more politically charged, controversial ethics cases. And with this government shutdown and the continuous bombardment of assumed political opinions, I find myself almost drowning in the unsettled beliefs that fill this world. I marvel that every single person can be so solidly anchored in their opinion, so flippin' positive that this must be the way the world is. It's amazing to look at the differences in perspective. My own belief, which may not be the word of God, mind you, is that everyone's personal ethics is based on how they see humanity in relation to the bigger picture and to themselves. Those who think that people are generally untrustworthy have an opinion that resides a whole planet away from those who believe people are all good deep down. I find that I'm less interested in the surface opinion, like which party sucks more or what makes me special in comparison to others, and more interested in what that person, unbeknownst to them in most cases, actually believes about human nature. No matter the bounds that their religion, upbringing, or education seem to set, everyone seems to hold opinions independent and unrelated to those parameters. We are so confident in our empirical knowledge that we make assumptions about humanity that we believe so deeply that it creates our ultimate perspectives. The differences between people aren't just their viewpoints of political realities, but their judgements on human nature.

To Dispel a Lie

Once upon a time I had the idea that young adulthood was the ideal time of my life. Everyone in high school was excited to launch and make our own decisions. It was an exciting prospect to move someplace and make it our own. All of these adults kept telling me that this was my prime, they were excited to live through me and relive the adventures of the young.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint ya'll. I wish to dispel the myth that all of us young adults have our lives under control. I really thought I'd have it all together and would be fearless in pursuit of the opportunities surrounding me. We're all due for a reminder that this golden time is full of human frailty and is chalked full of a relentless rain of life experiences. So to everyone who wished to live through my overly ambitious adventures, I apologize that, for now, they've turned out to be less exciting than I once dreamed.

Adult Summer Camp

I always loved summer camp. It was like a continuation of school, but with stuff you actually cared about and food was included. Well, this summer is basically the same thing except there are no counselors, just me. With my unpredictable healthfulness, my summer is blank slate. An exciting thought. The entire time we're buried in the thick of the semester all we're daydreaming about is what it would be like to have loads of time to do nothing. Ladies and gents, that dream is coming true for me. So much time to attempt things I've had an inkling of interest in. So here goes the Summer of 2013: the summer of whims, wishes, and sleep.

Chicken soup for my own soul

Here's my question: what is the mysterious ingredient in chicken noodle soup that makes it so magical? Like really, with all this sickness in my body I have come to wonder how it is that this simple soup contains tangible comfort and solace. It must be widely acknowledged as a powerful force in the universe. I mean, there is an entire series of books devoted to Chicken Soup for the Soul.

I have this friend who makes "Magic Soup," often from scratch, that is here signature of service. First off, how cool is it to have signature soup to give all your sickly friends. Secondly, I can attest that it is delicious and warms the very cockles of my heart.

I also wonder if there are comfort foods in other cultures that are held at such high esteem as our American chicken noodle soup. In a quick Wikipedia reference we learn that our wonderful soup could actually have an anti-inflammatory effect . Man, I love my Campbell's chicken noodle. It's so good that even Andy Warhol wanted to immortalize it.

21

My 21st year was definitely the best yet. I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to stay with a wonderful family and explore Chile with my magnificent friend who resembles Lady Gaga (at least according to Chileans). I slaughtered the Spanish language to natives, rode horses on the beach, admired expert graffiti, cried on 100 year old elevators, and learn an entirely new level of courage from going to a foreign country alone without knowing the language. Life changing.

I also helped my family move and rode down the Al-Can highway with my parents and one of my favorite people in this universe. He and I walked on a glacier, rode the train, watched sea lions, and endured constant companionship for five days. It was quite the bonding experience. I'm glad he can stand as a witness to my Alaskan life.

School has been wonderful. I've decided to be more open with my philosophical opinion only to discover that I've convicted my professors to think I may be smart. Wonderful trickery. I got to learn more about the bizarre depths of love and even was privileged to date a zombie. He was quite the gentleman. I have the most awesome circle of friends and am never left wanting for deep conversation or unshakable loyalty. We made epic music videos, melted crayons, watched a million years of LOTR, and even played paint twister. I can't imagine life being more fun or feeling more loved. Choir people are where it's at (ignore the poor grammar, I wanted to add some swag).

I became close to amazing people. My friend of epic proportions has put up with so much from me. She and I have danced our lives away at the Killers concert and at Maroon 5. Adam Levine totally sang to us and I count that as one of my greatest accomplishments. She has inspired me in a million ways. My other epic friends have stayed up all night working with me, have painted themselves entirely white for a basketball game, have watched and giggled at Castle, and have never been afraid to call me on the phone to close the distance between us. What extraordinary people.

Also worthy of notation is that I achieved my unpredictable life goal of meeting a General Authority, Elder Cook! He just randomly showed up at my ward (it was a random appearance for me, too) and I was able to shake his hand afterward where he told me he had liked philosophy when he took it in college. I may have chased him down the hall to catch him, though. Classy.

I got to play with my baby nieces and feel incredibly honored that they remember me. And I feel closer to my family than ever. I'm deeply grateful that I could call anyone of them at any time and feel a deep sense of love.

In conclusion, my twenty first year was beyond fantastic, the best case scenario in every way.