A Flood of Ethics

So this semester I've become more involved in my Philosophy department at USU. I'm on an Ethics Bowl team, which is basically debate team but with more politically charged, controversial ethics cases. And with this government shutdown and the continuous bombardment of assumed political opinions, I find myself almost drowning in the unsettled beliefs that fill this world. I marvel that every single person can be so solidly anchored in their opinion, so flippin' positive that this must be the way the world is. It's amazing to look at the differences in perspective. My own belief, which may not be the word of God, mind you, is that everyone's personal ethics is based on how they see humanity in relation to the bigger picture and to themselves. Those who think that people are generally untrustworthy have an opinion that resides a whole planet away from those who believe people are all good deep down. I find that I'm less interested in the surface opinion, like which party sucks more or what makes me special in comparison to others, and more interested in what that person, unbeknownst to them in most cases, actually believes about human nature. No matter the bounds that their religion, upbringing, or education seem to set, everyone seems to hold opinions independent and unrelated to those parameters. We are so confident in our empirical knowledge that we make assumptions about humanity that we believe so deeply that it creates our ultimate perspectives. The differences between people aren't just their viewpoints of political realities, but their judgements on human nature.

To Dispel a Lie

Once upon a time I had the idea that young adulthood was the ideal time of my life. Everyone in high school was excited to launch and make our own decisions. It was an exciting prospect to move someplace and make it our own. All of these adults kept telling me that this was my prime, they were excited to live through me and relive the adventures of the young.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint ya'll. I wish to dispel the myth that all of us young adults have our lives under control. I really thought I'd have it all together and would be fearless in pursuit of the opportunities surrounding me. We're all due for a reminder that this golden time is full of human frailty and is chalked full of a relentless rain of life experiences. So to everyone who wished to live through my overly ambitious adventures, I apologize that, for now, they've turned out to be less exciting than I once dreamed.

Adult Summer Camp

I always loved summer camp. It was like a continuation of school, but with stuff you actually cared about and food was included. Well, this summer is basically the same thing except there are no counselors, just me. With my unpredictable healthfulness, my summer is blank slate. An exciting thought. The entire time we're buried in the thick of the semester all we're daydreaming about is what it would be like to have loads of time to do nothing. Ladies and gents, that dream is coming true for me. So much time to attempt things I've had an inkling of interest in. So here goes the Summer of 2013: the summer of whims, wishes, and sleep.

Chicken soup for my own soul

Here's my question: what is the mysterious ingredient in chicken noodle soup that makes it so magical? Like really, with all this sickness in my body I have come to wonder how it is that this simple soup contains tangible comfort and solace. It must be widely acknowledged as a powerful force in the universe. I mean, there is an entire series of books devoted to Chicken Soup for the Soul.

I have this friend who makes "Magic Soup," often from scratch, that is here signature of service. First off, how cool is it to have signature soup to give all your sickly friends. Secondly, I can attest that it is delicious and warms the very cockles of my heart.

I also wonder if there are comfort foods in other cultures that are held at such high esteem as our American chicken noodle soup. In a quick Wikipedia reference we learn that our wonderful soup could actually have an anti-inflammatory effect . Man, I love my Campbell's chicken noodle. It's so good that even Andy Warhol wanted to immortalize it.

21

My 21st year was definitely the best yet. I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to stay with a wonderful family and explore Chile with my magnificent friend who resembles Lady Gaga (at least according to Chileans). I slaughtered the Spanish language to natives, rode horses on the beach, admired expert graffiti, cried on 100 year old elevators, and learn an entirely new level of courage from going to a foreign country alone without knowing the language. Life changing.

I also helped my family move and rode down the Al-Can highway with my parents and one of my favorite people in this universe. He and I walked on a glacier, rode the train, watched sea lions, and endured constant companionship for five days. It was quite the bonding experience. I'm glad he can stand as a witness to my Alaskan life.

School has been wonderful. I've decided to be more open with my philosophical opinion only to discover that I've convicted my professors to think I may be smart. Wonderful trickery. I got to learn more about the bizarre depths of love and even was privileged to date a zombie. He was quite the gentleman. I have the most awesome circle of friends and am never left wanting for deep conversation or unshakable loyalty. We made epic music videos, melted crayons, watched a million years of LOTR, and even played paint twister. I can't imagine life being more fun or feeling more loved. Choir people are where it's at (ignore the poor grammar, I wanted to add some swag).

I became close to amazing people. My friend of epic proportions has put up with so much from me. She and I have danced our lives away at the Killers concert and at Maroon 5. Adam Levine totally sang to us and I count that as one of my greatest accomplishments. She has inspired me in a million ways. My other epic friends have stayed up all night working with me, have painted themselves entirely white for a basketball game, have watched and giggled at Castle, and have never been afraid to call me on the phone to close the distance between us. What extraordinary people.

Also worthy of notation is that I achieved my unpredictable life goal of meeting a General Authority, Elder Cook! He just randomly showed up at my ward (it was a random appearance for me, too) and I was able to shake his hand afterward where he told me he had liked philosophy when he took it in college. I may have chased him down the hall to catch him, though. Classy.

I got to play with my baby nieces and feel incredibly honored that they remember me. And I feel closer to my family than ever. I'm deeply grateful that I could call anyone of them at any time and feel a deep sense of love.

In conclusion, my twenty first year was beyond fantastic, the best case scenario in every way.

Taylor

Today my sweet brother drove up just to spend a few hours with his sick sister. He helped me get my car checked at the dealership and then hung out with me while we waited. For some reason, I feel most lost in the world when it comes to car maintenance. It helps that he's an expert. We ate those new fancy cooler ranch tacos (which will probably be my new constant craving to replace my need for cheeseburgers) and he told me crazy adventure stories of him almost dying in a spontaneous whim of fun. We owned the packed Fun Park with our arcade skills. I have no idea how he can remain oriented with those airplane games, I got dizzy watching. And he has fastest reflexes of the West and scored some 300 tickets just by hitting the button at the right time. We walked away victorious, he with a jumbo tennis ball and I with a Groucho Marx mustache set. What a wonderful few hours with the greatest brother.

The problem with sickness...

...is that my brain gets so bored! I actually really love school purely for the fact that I feel intellectually edified at the end of the day. I crave learning. My favorite Internet activity is hitting the random page button on Wikipedia. I need school for sanity.
Yet when I'm sick, I'm at a loss for an attention span wide enough or long enough to make a difference in my intelligence. Not feeling well has quite the effect on my ability to absorb information. And I hate it. It should be impossible for me to be bored, especially when I'm in the middle of the semester and have so many extra avenues of study I've meant to pursue for so long. But no. No mental capacity for you. Just stare and sleep and wonder when you're going to be able to efficiently wonder again.
Yep, this is probably my greatest dislike of illness. What an interesting thing that the body has so much power to limit the mind. How happy I will be when my inner nerd will be able to prevail in my life once again!

Oh February

What an exciting month! Am I right? It's everyone's favorite. We just adore the unpredictable bleak weather, the increasing difficulty of school, and the emotionally charged Valentine's Day.
Yeah, no. I have to see February as a month of growth. It seems that life is either boring and you feel without direction, or all of the challenges you could imagine pile on. Which is better? I think both are about equally uncomfortable, but at least with challenges I have opportunities to expand my character.
One attribute to focus on is gratitude. I really do believe gratitude is synonymous with happiness. I have a new goal (not a very original one) to start a gratitude journal. I journal my life anyway, but I think starting my day with a perspective seeking gratitude will help me avoid the tethers of entitlement and escape the habit of taking things for granted. I may or may not post entries on here. Sometimes it's a good feeling for your gratitude to be out in the universe.
The one thing I want to say I'm grateful for at this moment is my sweet little nieces that I was privileged to see for a bit this weekend. Harper is holding Gammy's hand and looks up at me, waves, and says, "Hi, Manny." Just a little recognition out of nowhere means a lot. I'm so excited to be an aunt to those two little girls who are bursting at the seams with personality. I adore Harper and Ivy. That's what I'm grateful for at this moment.

This is Hope

Growing up in Alaska, I had the privilege of singing in the Alaskan Children's Choir for four years, or so. My talented sister had participated before and wanted to experience choir also. The song that most impacted me was called The Inscription of Hope. It's lyrics were taken from a fragment of writings found in a cellar in Germany, where Jews were hiding during the Holocaust. If you listen to it, find a version that is sung by children. It's straight up incredible. This is what hope is:

Inscription of Hope

I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining.
And I believe in love
even when there's no one there.

And I believe in God
even when He is silent.
I believe through any trial
there is always a way.

But sometimes in this suffering
and hopeless despair
My heart cries for shelter
to know someone's there.
But a voice rises within me saying,
'hold on my child
I'll give you strength, I'll give you hope
Just stay a little while.'

I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining.
And I believe in love
even when there's no one there.

And I believe in God
even when God is silent.
I believe through any trial
there is always a way.

May there someday be sunshine,
May there someday be happiness,
May there someday be love,
May there someday be peace.

Am I Really 6 Years Old?

Here's a quote everyone knows:

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he said:

“Man.
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;
the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;
he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

 Guilty as charged. The health thing just stresses me out. One reason is because I don't even really know what healthy is anymore. But mostly it's because I know no diligence. I don't know how to say no to that thing that I totally know is bad for me, but has instant benefits. I've known for a long time that sugary things make me feel particularly terrible. Does that stop me? Nah, who needs to feel well in the long run when I can taste sweetness now, am I right? This quote reminds me of how easy it is to lack a long term sense of vision. And health is the most elusive vision to have. It's easier to see a vision of a long term career or personal accomplishments. But health means I have to start doing stuff right now and be committed for eternity. I'm too afraid of commitment to sign up for anything for forever. I definitely can't give up stuff that gives me instant gratification. Sometimes I'm convinced that instant gratification is the only thing that's real. How's that for a confession. I totally lack a perspective of endurance. 

You know that scenario where they put the little kid in the room with the marshmallow and then tell them if they can wait fifteen minutes before eating it they can have another one? I'd eat it right in front of them before they even finished the instructions. 

Now if the obligation is based on relationships, I follow through without doubting it. I can do my job and my school work just because I want to uphold a respectable person's expectations of my task at hand. But I have no responsibility to myself. It's a weird thing. I can't figure out how to care for my own sake sometimes. It's growing on me, but I'm nowhere near my peers who are running marathons and volunteering their time for a million little things. I think that may be one reason why I'm so chaotic. Why care about my own world when I can be so involved in the interesting world of others?

(That post evolved in a curious manner, now didn't it?)

This Week: Bloody Triangles

Insanity. Let’s be honest, I really would choose to be insanely busy than bored out of my mind, but it is quite a draining life. Some great stories came out of this week.

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First off, there’s the love of my life: Philosophy. My Epistemology class on Tuesday had me rolling with laughter (in a philosophical sense). Dr. Huenemann disproved the existence of triangles in an illustration of Descartes’ Fifth Meditation. So many great quotes that I will now attempt to pull from memory. I seriously write down every funny line he pulls, it is a wonderful highlight to life for your teachers to be uproarious.

He began by asking a student, “Do you believe in triangles? Is that too personal for me to ask?”

He then made the checklist of requirements for triangles consisting of 1) They have three sides, 2) they have three angles, and 3) those angles add up to 380 degrees. He then prompted us to “go around with this checklist to see if things are triangles,” and did an impression of him intensely assessing things around the classroom, as if in doubt of there being any real triangles.

My favorite part was when we “precisified the triangle into nonexistence” by defining the definition further. What is a side? A line, he said. He wrote on the board, “line = one dimensional direction.” He concluded that since a one dimensional thing has no width that you can’t see an actual line or side. So we’ve never seen a real triangle, because you can’t see one.

So maybe all the triangles we think we see a representations of the concept of a triangle. But where does the concept of a triangle reside. Many students said in their mind, being forced to concede that triangles exist in some non-extended space (contradiction) in their mental sphere. Dr. Huenemann was happy that we had to “create a new space” for triangle to exist. “If triangles cannot exist in a type of space that we know of, then where are all the triangles?”

Another good moment was when he said “We’ve had angle inflation, each angle (of an equilateral triangle) used to be 59 ½ degree in Archimedes day.”

He also went off at one point saying that there really is only one triangle. Your geometry teacher asks you what the angles of an equilateral triangle is and you say “Each one is 60 degrees.” “Aha! But I wasn’t asking you about that equilateral triangle, I was asking you about this one!”

Sometimes Dr. Huenemann asks me why I’m shaking my head. It’s because his explanations are hilarious. He is wonderfully outlandish examples too, he referred to a donkey with peacock feathers for ears last class.

The other treasured story from this week was on Wednesday. I must note that I have some of the most considerate people as friends. Kelby, that gem, was incredible and took my shift on Tuesday night so that I could be rested for my doctor’s appointment in the morning. Seriously, that was a big deal to me, it’s hard to work graves during the week, and she had to work three in a row because of me. Also, Marissa saved my bacon by coming with me to the doc’s. I am nervous in medical settings that around focused on me. She, however, freaking adores anything medical because she is totally meant to be a nurse someday. Hint.

We get to the specialty hospital which really is more like a hotel than a severe medical facility. My doctor is awesome, a woman who is like 6’ and well put together. I go down the hall with Marissa to get my lab work done. I’m working so hard to not think about the needle in my arm. Marissa told me later that they took like six or seven vials that red stuff. She is doing an excellent job distracting me with some exaggerated drama and I make it to the finish line. Then I feel it coming on. The nurse tells Marissa to go to the fridge to get me some orange juice.

Next, I’m having a delightful dream and am suddenly struck with annoyance as people repeatedly yelling the same word incessantly across a field. They were really interrupting my business. Then I slowly came to realize that the obnoxious word was, in fact, my own name and the four nurses were right next to me. Yep, Madison had passed out.

After being all cute and motherly, these ladies put me in a happy red wheelchair, took me to the ER to be monitored, and hooked me up with some graham crackers. That was the life. Marissa had grabbed all the available types of juice and was laughing her head off at how pathetic I was. I couldn’t stop laughing either. I must be pretty adorable when I’m utterly pathetic. An experience to be treasured, that’s for sure.

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In conclusion, this week = WIN.

1,000,000 MPH

   So guess who had a difficult time falling asleep last night? Yeah, me. I've always had a very exciting brain, but it seems to be going faster than even before. I'm starting to finally thing that sleep is overrated because there is so much to do in the world (absolutely insane coming from me, right?). I try to sleep, but all of the projects and ideas and to-do lists just swim in my head like it's an all-included resort in a the tropics. The only, and I mean only, downsides to being a five star vacation destination for lost mental inspiration is that 1) I lose sleep and productivity whilst being bombarded and 2) there is a permanent sense of failure because I can't instantly achieve all of them! At least boredom will never breach these walls. Fun and experience are what I seek in life. And there is just too much to do!

   

I wanna be cool.

All the cool kids have blogs, so I'd like to be a poser and write on a public forum also. And if my grammar is annoying, just don't read it. I honestly don't understand commas. So if you can accept me for my incorrect comma usage then I guess we can continue being friends. I know this means the end of my friendship with Ryan, so, I'm, a little, sad, about, that.
I very much enjoy writing. I think through writing. I have discovered that I'm most positive when I write. I can write a journal entry riddled with complaints and still it ends with a silver lining. My journal is my therapist. Though many people edit their journals, sparing many details in case their posterity gets the wrong idea, I do not. It's all the raw subjective truth in the moment. That's why I'm probably the only one who isn't offended by my journal.
I'm actually writing this entry on my fancy new iPhone. It's taken years to reach this level. My parents always have had to test how long I can go without losing my phone permanently. I lose it temporarily regularly, most of my phone calls from friends being the result of an effort to locate this little black rectangle. And though a smart phone makes me less of a person, since eye contact becomes rare with the world at your fingertips, I'm excited at the prospect of joining the circle of the technologically savvy. "Roman had an okay day and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." My request is to please bear with me in my imperfect delivery over a device that is smarter than me. Siri can be quite the smart aleck.
Lastly, I'll probably reflect on this blog at unspeakable hours of the night due to my job as a graveyard staff. It's fun to finally embrace my nocturnal nature. It's an exciting conflict, to feel rebellious and responsible all at one time.
Thank you to the inspiration to do a cool blog, namely Todd, Ryan, and Tracy. Here goes nothing.