Pain

So I've been pondering on the anomaly of pain for some time now. For those who don't know, it's no secret that I have a chronic pain disorder. I really don't think it'll keep me slowed down for long, but while I'm still adjusting my paradigms to mesh more fully with the constant experience I have plenty of resources for my own personal inquiry into what pain is. Gall, there are so many different types of physical pain alone, and duration and intensity matter so much. I've never had to try to describe pain so specifically before the onslaught of doctor appointments, but it's definitely a challenge. Really, what a barrier language has become. How do you describe it accurately, ya know? I don't know how to more fully convey all over pain besides the word exhaustion. Anyway, knowing all of the different words that can be used to describe pain made me begin to wonder why it's just such a terrible experience when it happens. I think sometimes when the pain hits us strong enough, we lose our perception of time.
My personal theory is that pain is so awful because it draws the entirety of our attention to reality. Seriously, we go about our lives with some degree of desensitization, ignoring dangers and struggling to be completely in the moment. When you're in pain, it's all there is. You can't be planning so much on what you're going to do in two weeks let alone two minutes when your focus is completely set on this overwhelming sensation of being alive. Pure reality is a sharp experience. Pain prevents you from building a protective layer of emotional distancing. Pain is the perfect teacher of the magnitude of stupidity involved in your decisions. The absence of pain is so desirable because it allows the feeling of security and gives us confidence in the many risks we take to live. So I wish I had less pain so that I could function within the enabling disillusionment from reality. But alas, I feel alive every second. And now I must accept fierceness of reality whilst continuing to embrace risk. It's a philosophical challenge that I'm up to, even if my motivation is sometimes purely based on curiosity as to whether it can be done. I'm sure it's been done before. I admire the unsung heroes of pain.